Hello everyone and thank you so, so much for the lovely messages regarding my last blog post. I am overwhelmed and humbled at the support of some.
Laying yourself bare for all to see isn't easy but in some respects needs to be done. It is not for attention but for awareness. The thing with silent illness is that those who have it, keep silent. Nobody wants to hear how much pain somebody is in or how low they feel and we know that. Only ask if you want an honest answer. If we say 'I'm OK or I'm fine' just remember that's probably when we feel our worst.
Today I would like to talk about a woman's worst nightmare and no it's not losing your keys, phone or favourite lippy. But it comes close to somebody discovering your secret bar of chocolate saved for 'that week' each month.
It's about losing your hair.
For a while now I have watched it escape down the plug hole with not so much as a goodbye or, It was great but I have to leave, It's not you, it's me. Just a cold, heartless disappearance. I could understand it if we had just started our relationship but after all this time together!
I am coming to terms with it now as it's been a long, gradual but still ongoing problem.
I have considered contacting David Guest for the scalp formula he uses to cover his balding barnet!
The question is what do I do about it?
I have deliberated over this for many and hour at bed time when those little mind demons camp out and probe your brain with useless questions and those items you forgot when grocery shopping.
I suppose the next step is to get it cut short so I can adopt the comb over to hide my 'friar tuck' patch. Rest assured I will not end up looking like a geography teacher from 1985 (no offence to geography teachers, or teachers of any subject).
The next decision I must make is to let the grey continue to sprout and invade, colour it all my natural brunette or funk it up. A good pal said 'You are too funky to be grey', I'll take that!
I fancy a bold red but will it make my pale complexion a paler shade of dead? I like purple but have the same problem. Should I go blonde? Will I have more fun or still want to live in my PJ's and be even more frustrated that it was a lie?
All this decision making makes me want to pull my damn hair out let alone watch it fall out!
This may seem a silly, un important, unnecessary waste of spoons to some but to me personally, it's big!
Joking about my personal battles has always been my survival mechanism and has worked so far. If you can't laugh at yourself then you need to go and sit on a desert island and have a word with yourself!
But joking aside for a moment, the most devastating thing that could happen is that people begin to notice, whisper, point or laugh. Those closest will not I know this with all my heart but there are always going to be children in the world and nosey, outspoken non 'inappropriate' filtered gossips.
How to combat that approaching nemesis?
Learn to take a deep breath, smile (as usual) and answer honestly. My favourite answer will always be " I am making space for my halo or horns. I haven't decided yet"
I have discovered how strong my illness is making me mentally but breaking me physically. I will no longer suffer fools or allow myself to be made to feel un important or ignored. I am still here, I am learning to adapt and I hope others will too. Madonna always re invents herself, why can't I?
Stay strong chronicle warriors!
Thank you, much love
Carrie x
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